LAST CIGARETTE: I plead the fifth.

LAST KISS: Ouch, already hitting where it hurts. Sometime in early April. Unless you count my mom. Or your mom.

LAST GOOD CRY: Saturday morning. I told you, I'm a stupid schmuck.

LAST LIBRARY BOOK CHECKED OUT: Something about HAM radio. I was interested in it for about five minutes. I ended up keeping the book because I was too lazy to bring it back. And no, I never read a signle goddamn word of it.

LAST MOVIE SEEN: In the theaters, The Italian Job. At home, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. I think I'm going to be Pee-Wee Herman for Halloween this year.

LAST BOOK READ: I'm halfway through It's Good To Be The King... Sometimes by Jerry Lawler. He's not a very good writer, but it's about wrestling.

LAST CUSS WORD UTTERED: Jesus fucking Christ, am I supposed to remember everything?

LAST BEVERAGE DRANK: Strawberry Crush.

LAST FOOD CONSUMED: Panda Express.

LAST CRUSH: Addie. You fucks, always reminding me.

LAST PHONE CALL: Uh, don't remember. Probably a 1-900 number. Just kidding. I just call your mom for that kind of stuff.

LAST TV SHOW WATCHED: NFL Europe. God, those guys suck.

LAST TIME SHOWERED: Sometime today.

LAST SHOES WORN: My old faithful DCs.

LAST CD PLAYED: In the car, Nellyville. At home, Lost And Gone Forever by Guster. They need to release a new CD.

LAST ITEM BOUGHT: South Park Season 2.

LAST DOWNLOADED: Porn.

LAST ANNOYANCE: You. And the fact that I feel like the only one at work who works.

LAST DISAPPOINTMENT: Addie.

LAST SODA DRANK: Strawberry Crush. Duh.

LAST THING WRITTEN: Strawberry Crush. Duh. Duh.

LAST KEY USED: "D".

LAST WORD SPOKEN: "Poopaloopapus". I actually didn't remember the last word I said, so I just said that to write it down.

LAST SLEEP: In Dad's van on the way home from Surprise. They call it Surprise because you think it's a a city, but Surprise!

LAST IM: I haven't been on IM since before I moved from California. That was over six months ago. I wonder if my AIM name is still active?

LAST SEXUAL FANTASY: Stop rubbing it in about the last one I rubbed out.

LAST WEIRD ENCOUNTER: I saw Addie today at Sub Factory.

LAST ICE CREAM EATEN: Orange Shervet mixed with light vanilla ice cream. Good.

LAST TIME AMUSED: About two hours ago at Denny's with my friends. God bless them, they keep me sane.

LAST TIME WANTING TO DIE: I plead the fifth again so as not to appear depressed and schmuck-like.

LAST TIME IN LOVE: I hate you.

LAST TIME HUGGED: Probably sometime today, and probably by someone I probably didn't really want a hug from.

LAST TIME SCOLDED: Sunday, for moving DVDs on a "busy" day at work.

LAST TIME RESENTFUL: Approximately now.

LAST CHAIR SAT IN: Last chair? Do they think I stand up to type?

LAST LIPSTICK USED: Uh... I plead the fifth again.

LAST UNDERWEAR WORN: Generic blue boxers.

LAST BRA WORN: Plead the fifth.

LAST SHIRT WORN: My Bloodhound Gang shirt.

LAST TIME DANCING: Dancing like Pee-Wee Herman does in the bar at Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. I've almost perfected it.

LAST POSTER LOOKED AT: One of my Bloodhound Gang posters at home.

LAST SHOW ATTENDED: Jeez... I think it was the Save Ferris concert that I promoted (Pats self on back shamelessly).

LAST WEBPAGE VISITED: Hotmail. I don't get nything but junk anymore, since I never return e-mails.

1 MINUTE AGO: Trying to remember what show I attended last.

1 HOUR AGO: Sitting at my apartment restless and deciding to go to the parents' house and hop on the Internet and check my junk e-mail.

1 DAY AGO: Working. And sleeping. With your mom.

1 WEEK AGO: Don't remember. Working.

1 YEAR AGO: Living in California and working at Kinko's.

I LOVE: Love is a joke. Sorry. I'm a bitter ass.

I HATE: Not having A/C in my car in 110 degree heat.

I FEAR: Loneliness. And getting sat on by your mom.

I HOPE: Addie comes to her senses.

I FEEL: Sad.

I HIDE: Easter eggs. And a couple of dark dark secrets.

I DRIVE: A 1987 Nissan 300ZX. With no A/C.

I MISS: Addie. Going to school. Being on the road to achieving something with my life.

I LEARNED: That my true friends are more valuable than anything else, including my XBox.

I NEED: Oral sex. Sorry. I do.

I THINK: Certain people need to wake up to their world.

CURRENT CLOTHES: Generic blue boxers, Bloodhound Gang shirt, tore up Boss khaki pants with a hole in the ass.

CURRENT MOOD: Bitter.

CURRENT MUSIC: Guster.

CURRENT TASTE: Listerine.

CURRENT HAIR: My unrefined, uncombed, Scott Bayo look.

CURRENT ANNOYANCE: Restlessness.

CURRENT SMELL: I sort of smell like me.

CURRENT THING I SHOULD BE DOING: Sleeping.

CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE: Windows XP. Ooh. Ahh.

CURRENT REFRESHMENT: I like the song about everybody knowing the world is full of stupid people.

CURRENT WORRY: That I'll be all depressed and scmuck-like for way longer than I need to be.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOUR BODY: I have nice legs. I guess.

AND LEAST? I'm starting to sprout hair in places I don't want hair.

HOW MANY FILLINGS DO YOU HAVE: Two tiny ones. I need more. I think I'll get gold fillings. Maybe I'll look like Flava Flav.

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOOD LOOKING: Sometimes. When my hair doesn't look like Scott Bayo's.

DO OTHER PEOPLE OFTEN TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE GOOD LOOKING: Sometimes. But it's usually people I don't want telling me that.

DO YOU LOOK LIKE ANY CELEBRITIES: People say I look like French Stewart. I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

TODAY, COLLEGE IS: Something that has put me $40,000 in debt and given me nothing to show for it.