The Motivator Has Left The Building.
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When I was in high school, I was a motivator. People were somehow drawn to me. I was like Elvis in high school, except I didn't sing and girls didn't swoon over my nasty dirty sweat-covered bandannas and I didn't pass out in toilets from heavy drug use and I wasn't really that cool and I couldn't jiggle my hips and people didn't call me Elvis the pelvis, they called me Blow Job.Okay, so not a whole lot like Elvis. Except i was fat. But I digress. I have realized that since I moved out on my own, I am no longer a motivator. I am an unmotivator. Just as my roommate's friend Mike (http://akatzen.diaryland.com) is an irreverend, I am an unmotivator. I am able and authorized to motivate people to greatness, but I would much rather play Nintendo 64 and eat cool whip directly from the container. Now I have no qualms with playing Nintendo 64 and I think Cool Whip is pretty goshdarned tasty, but I often wonder what happened to that cherubic (fat) little guy who was so admired in high school. And I think I have finally figured it out. He started working. It's true; adulthood ends fun. I'm convinced that within a year I'll be bitching about kids playing their dang rock music so loud and predicting the weather based on my physical ailments. So I know you're all asking: BJ, why the hell are you ruining my day? I will tell you, young shaver. For I have the solution. Never work a day in your life. Now I know this sounds drastic. But take a look around your own life. Who are the people you know who are the happiest? The ones who've never had to earn anything a day in their lives! They're so carefree that they have that charisma that I've lost. You're naturally drawn to them, even if it is only to kick them in the nuts. We must be totally sluggish and sloth-like in our routine. Let us be lazy-asses! In addition, by suggesting laziness as a solve-all, I guess in a way I have lived up to the title I have given myself. I am an unmotivator. And I'm damn proud to be one! So America, let us wear our proverbial nacho-cheese-stained-wife-beaters of defiance! Let us become carefree and inspire others to discover the wonders of navel lint! Motivate others to become unmotivated! I'll be too busy fucking around on the Internet at work to do it myself, or I'd help you.
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