And normally this is MY day, baby. Today is the day for all us stupid assclowns to poop on our neighbors' lawns. To tie our mothers' shoelaces together. To get one of our friends really drunk until he passes out, strip him, and leave him buck naked in a burlap sack out in an abandoned cornfield somewhere.

Today is a day for the assholes to buy a half gallon of peanut butter and for the faint of heart to watch out for their cornholes.

Figuratively speaking.

But alas, I spend this glorious 1st of April at work on roughly four hours of sleep.

So in order to celebrate April Fools, I'm just gonna have to be a jackass to everybody today.