My roommate's girlfriend is what we like to call a "Nasty Gash". My friend Jeff and I gave her this nickname because, as he so eloquently put it, the word "cunt" is just too good for this one.

Imagine a little troll with tree-trunk legs, a horrific, bitchy personality, and an irritating whine of a voice that makes Gilbert Gottfried sound like Frank Sinatra. Also imagine hearing that whiny squeak screaming sexual pleasure at 2:00 in the morning. Makes you want to stick a number 2 pencil through your eardrum, let me tell you.

So anyway. That reminds me, want to hear a story?

One day I was hanging out in my room with my girlfriend when we heard a strange noise emanating from the washer and dryer area:

DRYER: Whirr whirr tumble tumble WHUMP tumble WHUMP whirr tumble WHUMP WHUMP!

ME: Why is the dryer making that God-awful WHUMP sound?

GIRLFRIEND: Maybe she's drying her underwear.

I love my girlfriend.

So anyway, I just figured I'd throw out a quick rant before I have to go back to work to blow off some steam. But I'd really rather just blow off her head.

Okay, so that's a little extreme. But with enough C4, I might be able to get one of those legs.