On December 23rd, I woke at 8:30 AM to cold water pouring on the back of my neck.

The first thing I did was cuss at my girlfriend. Why the hell was she doing that? Was she retarded? I sat up.

No, she was asleep.

Now thoroughly confused, I brilliantly determined that since someone was pouring water on me, and it was not Addie, then it must have been someone else. The cold water gods! Of course!

After waking up a little more and realizing I was still sleep-retarded, I determined that perhaps the rain had something to do with this. I slipped shoes on and stumbled down to the rental office to inform them of my conclusion.

Roughly twenty minutes later, the maintenance guy showed up with a screwdriver.

Yes. A screwdriver.

He walked into my bedroom, and looked at the hole in the ceiling, streaming water fairly consistently. Apparently dissatisfied with it, he began to poke the screwdriver into the hole and make it bigger, allowing the water stream to double in width. As he did this, he informed me that he would not be able to fix the leak today.

DAY 4 - THURSDAY

I called the office to explain to them that while spending my holidays emptying buckets of water and sleeping in the living room floor was fun, like camping, I would like to know when they were planning on fixing the roof.

They said they would call me back.

They did, roughly three hours later, to tell me that they DID fix the roof, two days ago. They would fix the ceiling interior on Monday, because they wanted to make sure it would not leak again.

DAY 8 - MONDAY

I called the office at 11:00 AM to find out when the guy was coming to fix the ceiling.

At 12:00, the ceiling started leaking again.

At 12:15, I told them.

At 1:00, I told them again.

At 2:00, I told them again.

At 4:00, the maintenance guy called me to ask if my ceiling had leaked over the weekend.

He called me back at 4:30. After a more thorough inspection of the roof, he noticed two sections of the roof that were collapsed. He must not have noticed those last time. Hee hee, oopsie!

DAY 12 - FRIDAY

I went to the office to negotiate a free month's rent. He offered me $50 off, which is roughly 10% of my rent.

I laughed out loud. He wasn't joking.

DAY 15 - MONDAY

The contractors came and fixed the roof.

DAY 19 - The maintenance guy came in and patched the ceiling interior. After he left, I examined his handiwork. It looked as if a twelve-year-old with limited knowledge of how to use his hands had done it.

DAY 22 - The maintencnace guy came back and sprayed popcorn on the ceiling to cover the really bad patch job he did.

Now it looks like a poorly mixed cocktail of popcorn and Elmer's Glue was sprayed over a twelve-year-old retard's patch job.

Well worth the three weeks wait.