So we were talking about how it's hard to blackmail someone who has no shame (Namely me). And then I opened my mouth.

ME: HEY YOU CAN'T EMBARRASS ME. I'D LIE BUCK NAKED ON OUR FRONT PORCH AND I WOULDN'T CARE.

Prove it, BJ.

ME: OKAY. I WILL GO OUTSIDE NAKED AND LIE FACE DOWN ON THE PORCH. BUT REMEMBER... NOOOOO PRACTICAL JOKES!

Okay, BJ.

ME: HERE I GO... *WALKS OUTSIDE BUCK NAKED WITH A TOWEL*. BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LOCK ME OUT OF THE APARTMENT!

Okay, BJ, we won't. Here, I'll even go outside with you.

ME: OKAY. REMEMBER, I'M A FUCKING RETARD.

We know.

So, intelligent as can be, knowing that Paul won't close my door, I walk outside, lay down, and dispose of the towel I was using to cover my bare ass until I reached my goal. Paul said he wouldn't lock me out of my apartment. He never said he wouldn't open the neighbors' door so they could see the wonders of dumbassedness that lie in their neighbor's head.

PAUL: Hey Brian.

BRIAN: Hey Paul, have you guys seen the YAAAAAAAARGH WHAT IS HE DOING?!

ME: *Screams like a girl*

BRIAN: *Screams like a girl*

ME: *Runs into my apartment*

BRIAN: *Runs into his apartment*

PAUL: *Laughs*

I swear, folks, I'm really not gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Just fucking retarded.

Not that there's anything wrong with that either.