In a matter of moments, I am going to enter my sleeping roommate's room wearing just a pair of bikini briefs and a smile and crawl into bed with him. Maybe even kiss him on the cheek. Just to see what happens, and to have that knowledge.

You may be thinking, Jesus BJ, you are gay. Yes. Yes I am. Not. Yes I am not, I mean. Ahem. Anyway.

Don't ask me why. Because honestly, I don't even know.

Maybe it's to get him back for the time I asked him not to wear a certain shirt around my dad and he entered his room to change, only to exit buck naked with his hand over his junk, saying, "Is this okay?"

Maybe it's to get him back for covering me in cold water today just because I slapped him like the bitch he is.

Maybe it's because I think it's funny to watch him squirm whenever I make fake passes at him, and I want to elicit the best response ever, which will only come when he reads my latest entry. And then murders me.

But enough talk. Time for action. I'll be back in a few minutes, everyone.

............

*5 minutes*

............

The girlfriend's minute by minute update *****B.J.'s in there. It's quiet and I'm scared for his life. Paul is not the happiest person when he wakes up. I'm listening hard for any noise. None yet. If Paul wakes up this will be B.J.'s final prank. I'm terrifed. My heart is beating rapidly. Paul, honey, please don't wake up. It's been about a minute, and still no noise. Time is ticking by slowly. I'm waiting to hear a sharp, shrill scream of B.J.'s as Paul wakes up and starts punching. I'm holding my breath. Two minutes. Still no noise. As long as Paul doesn't wake up, he'll be okay. I'm so scared that I'm not moving or making a noise. Three minutes. It's quiet. C'mon B.J. Four minutes....He's out!!!

............

I have returned. Don't ask me how, because when I entered, Paul, occupying the whole bed, I swear to God, looked directly at me, squinted, and rolled over. I entered the bed, trying to stifle my shaking breathing, half from terror, half from laughing so hard at the fact that he saw my big white ass trying to get into bed with him and apparently thought that would be just fine.

After a minute or so of no response, I decided to up the stakes. I rolled over to face him, placed my hand on his shirtless back, and trying to keep myself from being sick, began to rub his back. And eventually, after a couple of kisses on the back, I slinked out with a dull thud and made my escape before he could stir.

I have succeeded. For those of you who appreciate a good joke like this, thank you. For those who think it has no jokial value and instead interpret it as my attempt to be gay, fuck you. I like women.

I just like fucking with my roommate even more.